Learning Humility

Sometimes it's hard to live in Madagascar. It's hard to see destitute children digging through garbage and not be able to do anything to alleviate their poverty. It's hard not to be able to walk down the street without men constantly hissing at you, staring at you, and calling out to you. It's hard to be away from all of your family and friends, to feel so alone. It's hard when everyone expects you to teach and yet you feel completely inadequate to do so. It's hard to live in a country where so few people speak English. Which makes it hard to share your faith. It's hard when you wonder if you are really making any difference at all.

Right now, life is slow. ECA is on holiday which frees up my schedule quite a bit. Which also gives me quite a bit of time on my own. Not the best thing. I am really struggling to figure out what God wants to do with me in Madagascar. I know He wants me here. I just don't know for what purpose.

I think part of what He is teaching me (or trying...I need to be a better student!) is humility. "Let me 'splain"....."No there is to much let me sum up" (sorry had to)  I always envisioned my first year of missions doing something extraordinary for God. Working with war-torn orphans, or sharing the gospel with an unreached people group, or counselling vulnerable women in a dangerous country...you get the idea. And here I am teaching English. First off just let me say that teaching English is a wonderful ministry and by no means do I want to lesson its value. But it wasn't something I ever pictured myself doing. Sometimes it just feels so meaningless. My students are the only ones I can really share my faith with because of the language barrier and yet most of them are professing Christians.

The people who seem to really need to hear the truth of the Gospel are the little old lady beggar who sits on the side of the road everyday wrapped in a white sheet. Who smiles so brightly (albeit toothlessly) when I greet her in Malagasy and affectionately shake her hand. Does she know Christ? The pouse-pouse men who tirelessly pull people back and forth on their rickshaws to provide for their families. Do they know Christ? The children who relentlessly beg for my spare change day after day...do they know Christ? Sadly my Malagasy is not advanced enough to engage in deep conversation with these people. And that is where I have to realize, that is not my ministry here. I am short-term...and my main ministry area is speaking/teaching English. So I have pray for these people, pray that God would reveal Himself to them. Pray that he would use people like Karin who has been here 11 years and speaks fluent Malagasy to minister to them.

Back to my students, how would God like to use me in their lives. Perhaps just encouraging them in their faith, mentoring them, and showing them new things about our Savior. Which as I mentioned in a previous post, please be praying for my possible Bible-Study that would start hopefully at the end of Sept (beginning of term). Going through the book "Jesus With Dirty Feet". I want to call the study "And who do you say that I am?" Basically a time of learning what the girls know about Christ and what significance He has in their life. And just spend time in the Gospels digging into who Christ is and how that should shape our lives.

 It's not glamorous, or flashy...and I think that may be the point. Perhaps God would like to see me faithful with a little before entrusting me with a lot. Willing to serve regardless of the reward, or acclaim it accords me. Jesus did many amazing miracles, but he also washed his disciples feet. Hmmm...wow I am kinda answering my opening question as I write and think.

I have been feeling discouraged these past few weeks, feeling like a failure as a missionary, as a Christian etc and now I wonder if that all was simply pride. Pride telling me I should be doing something more grand, more inspiring, more difficult etc. Fear of man telling me people expect more from me. Instead of humbly and graciously accepting the tasks God has given me and being faithful and content in that mission.

I know that change in my heart is not going to happen overnight, but I think I might just be heading in the right direction.  Thanks for bearing with me as I work out my sin and confusion by the grace of God. I am not a perfect Christian, and I am not a perfect missionary. I make mistakes, I stand up only to fall, I make plans and fail to follow through, I worry and I fret... and yet in Christ I am perfect, and through Christ I am perfect for this year of ministry he has planned for me.

"God doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called!"  (not sure who said that, sorry)

Please pray for continued growth in humility, a vision for what God wants to do 'in' and 'through' me this year.  Pray for comfort during times of loneliness. Pray that God would equip me to be a more effectual teacher. Pray for consistent and deep times in the Word of God and richer fellowship with Him.

Thank you all so much! I am so grateful to have people in my life who lift me up in prayer! Please feel free (hint hint) to send me an email, fb me, or leave a comment with verses or prayers or encouragements! I definitely need them! =)

Mandrapihaona!